My Fetal Mind

     Wow! What am I? Where am I? What is this? These questions plague my fetal mind on the 26th day of my life. My brain started working a few days ago, but I can't see yet. Even my arms are not yet fully developed. But my heart is beating and I can feel things moving in my body. It turned out to be blood in my just forming blood vessels. It'll take me about a week to gain control of my arms and about 2 years to perfect the control of it. It will also take a few weeks to open my eyes and see that I'm in a very dimly lit room to which I am tethered by a cord which function I do not understand, and which I will not understand until I study biology in secondary school and anatomy in Medical school.
    I shall soon begin to hear sounds. One is a beating sound that is the most soothing thing I have ever heard and will ever hear all my life. That is the heart that would be closest to mine until I get married to my future soul mate. The other sound is closer to my head, it's more like a muffling sound, like worms wriggling just above my head (peristalsis in my her gut). Another sound I hear come from way above my head, and it follows a particular pattern, very sonorous it's less soothing than the heart, but is always around when her breathing of slightly fast. When her breathing is slow, the latter sound ceases and the heartbeat becomes very slow and that is my lullaby. Sounds also come from entirely outside my host's body. A deep voice that is usually scary but sometimes can be cool especially when talking to her or talking to me. She doesn’t know that I'm here yet. She would get to know next week when she buys the pregnancy test kit from the mall four blocks away.
    Now back to my room, I have a nylon wall and as it seems I am floating in a thin fluid. This fluid I will drink and urinate in. Eeeww! But I don’t have a choice because if I don’t, the room will choke me into myself. I like to swim but I will always bump my head and leg into the walls. She will yelp and giggle when I do that so I do it more often until I'm tired, just to get her attention. He too will come to touch the spot I hit when she tells him and he says "my strong boy" and she says "no, it’s a girl."
    My head is very large, and my body small. But as time goes on I will be restructured with my head getting relatively smaller to allow my much anticipated and yet much dreaded delivery. I love my stay here but with every passing day, I count down to that day.

Life Support

 I hear my Lisa screaming my name, crying and begging me to wake up. I am at work. Or, where am I? I'm lying on a bed, I can feel that. But why is Lisa begging me to wake up? I can hear you Lisa. She tugging at my arms and pulling me gently. I'm pretty sure I'm not at work because I'm not putting on a suit. I hear low voices and some murmur. Is that Shelly and Matt? What are they doing here? Shouldn't they be at school? I don’t even know what time it is. Then I hear him come in, the doctor, with his steel voice. He introduces himself as Dr Matthews, the resident trauma doctor. I don’t understand what the hell he just said but now I know  that I'm in a hospital. How did this happen? Did my heart give out? I don’t think so. Then he dropped the bombshell. "Mrs. Jenkins, your husband is in a coma. His insulin shots has caused accumulation of ketone bodies in his brains, we will try to help him pull through, but there are no assurances. You'll just have to hope." Is this Dr Matthews high? I am here and I can hear you. I try to speak and prove my aliveness, but I can't open my eyes and my lips are slammed shut. Lisa holds me again and I try to move to hold her but my arms are just too heavy to lift. Am I really in a coma? But I can hear and feel even. The needle in my wrist, even the feeding tube in my throat through my neck. And I can feel the ear phones in my ear playing my favorite Whitney Houston's song, …. Time is passing slowly, or swiftly I can't tell. All know is My wife is now speaking calmly. She has said "Baby, wake up, please wake up for me" about eight times now and Shelly and Matt and joining in. Nurses, or whoever they are, come in at intervals to check a machine beside my bed, and with each visit there is this awful quiet. Then as she leaves, the same routine continues.
    As time pass, I can't tell how long, Shelly and Matt say their byes while Lisa stays.  I hear her yawn, so that means it's night. I also feel sleepy but I don’t know if I can sleep. Morning comes and the doctor comes again, comes beside my bed. Into the machine that kept humming, that's how I know it’s a machine, and as goes out, Lisa asks him "Do you think he'll be better, doctor?" and he says "No improvement ma'am, he's on life support but we'll keep monitoring his state for as long as possible." As long as possi… what! Doctor I'm fine, I just can't respond to whatever is going on around me. Seriously, I can still  hear as well as I normally do, can smell well. I even smelled the Turkey soup Matt brought yesterday, since the doctor said that using stimuli that I am very familiar with could give me a chance at regaining my consciousness.
 A long time has passed and, in this time I have been bathed, and a pasty mouth wash has been placed in my mouth to keep it clean. But today is different. Everyone is here again, Lisa, Shelly, Matt, even Jonas and Michelle, my parents are here. The doctor asked to see  all of them. He says the words that I have always dreaded and still dread until now. "Lisa, it's been 3months and we've seen no improvements in your husband's condition. I think you have to make a decision whether to keep him on life support or to terminate the life support." I'm going to die fool. Don’t listen to him Lisa, I'm here. She breaks down in tears and the doctors goes on "I'll give you time to think about it. I'm in my office when you need me." General sobbing continues. Then dad speaks saying how much he appreciates that Lisa has stood by me and up for the children in this  trying time. But that if he knows me well, he knows that I would not want to run my family into debt just to maintain my life in a situation that is not sure that I would recover from. Lisa agrees amidst sobs. Hello? You're mistaken dad. Yes, I don’t want to run my family aground, but I also don’t want to die. Who be the CEO of my just established transport firm? I'm just 41. I still got 39 more years to live till am your age.
   Oh shoot, Lisa agreed to terminate life support viz., terminate my life. It's a tough call to make but I support my wife in whatever she does as far as it is for the general good. I'm with you on this baby. Dr Matthews is beckoned and I hear him hand over something to Lisa for her to sign. Everyone starts to leave, crying but Lisa stays. She isn't crying. Nurses come into the room and I star hearing switches being flipped and machines being turned off. The feeding tube is extracted from my neck and the injection removed from my arm. I start feeling uneasy, but Lisa plants a kiss on my cheek, the last kiss, and says goodbye Tom.
I am calm, calmer than I ever have all my life. I think my eyes just opened and my muscles twitched. I  can see Lisa now. In the room is the steel voiced doctor and two petite nurses and buxom nurse. As a try to stretch out my arm to touch my wife, I begin to drift again. What's happening? My eyes closed my muscles grow numb for the last time,  I can't breathe. This is it, I see no white light as some people say or any flowers. I see nothing at all. All I know is I'm slowly drifting like am falling asleep. I try to fight it but it seems there is overpowering force on me. Please save m…

The Almost "Perfect" Suicide NoteI never wished to end it this way, but I think I should come clean about this. I'm gonna kill myself, and if you're reading this it means that I've gone through with it. You'll have to live with it. I have no regret, feel no hate and I didn't suffer from any form of depression, nothing. I love life, but I wish to die, I can't wait till I grow old because it's a long wait.Katie, I know I may have disappointed you. But I feel that you had it coming, all the time I said I prefer death to life, this is what I meant. Just don't mourn me because this is what I wanted. Find someone else, maybe an African-American model who is muscular unlike me, the skinny bastard.

Welcome 2014, but I dare you to be better than 2013. Many years have come before you, years which increased hopes of a multitude, hopes that were dashed to pieces eventually, year 2000 being a vivid example. Years have come and gone, each with expectation of a liberation from all forms of restriction an the human race or even any particular nation. All these years have left men and women dejected, resources exhausted, the earth polluted and even the heavens infuriated. There's a steady increase in these woes as years go by.So dont think you'd be better than 2013, you will be worse.